Monday, June 2, 2008

defeated

that is how i feel today for no one wants to hire me, even for jobs that i am way over-qualified for. i am irritated that i spent four years meeting deadlines and researching topics i had no interest in and walking up that rotten hill in the snow only to be offered a job at tacotime. well, they did not even offer me a job, but their sign says "now hiring" and i figure they would at least have to give me an application if i asked. finding a job is hard. and not having one is not really that fun either without marae. i missed her so much yesterday that i cried...i guess i was kind of just in a crying mood though and those happen frequently enough so there is no need to be alarmed really. but the point is still this- life isn't as fun without marae.
i went to target this morning out of sheer uncertainty about life...i feel like going to target would at least give me some sense of security however my panic was only compounded by being there and realizing yet again that i have no income. that is scary for sure but the one thing that is even scarier than that is that there was nothing i was really dying to buy- i dont know who i am if i am not strong feelings about nothing and everything. i am not a fan of the melancholy feeling.
i am hoping it will pass quickly as saturday is my birthday. however, i am somewhat skeptical as this will be my first birthday away from home...or at least away from my mother. i have a few gifts stacked in the corner of my apartment which i will open and nick is trying to get me to think of something fun that i want to do that day...but both of us are income-less and don't really have a whole lot of monetary freedom to go have fun with. i am planning on making a "next best thing to robert redford" dessert for myself...that will give me some sense of stability, right?
it is sunny today but only in the seventies, which is nice except that i would like to go sit by the pool since i currently have time to but i might freeze in a bathing suit in that type of weather!
oh and one last thing i thought was interesting. i got a wedding announcement from a friend today and he is having his reception on a tuesday and then getting married on wednesday. isn't it kind of odd to one, pick those days and two, have your reception before your wedding? whatever works i guess!

4 comments:

Marae said...

oh, dear. i am missing you as well! i wish you were here with me. or that i was there with you, of course. there is gelato to be found in both places. :) i have been thinking of you. please eat some: chocolate chips, swedish fish, taco salad, or chicken sandwich. sometimes those make things better. i hope that you find a job very very sooon. isn't it frustrating when you know that you would be the greatest employee ever, but they just cannot see that with one glance of resume? ugh, job hunting. i will call you when a get a chunk of minutes.

Ben, Amy, Isabelle & Olivia said...

Finding a job is hard! I remember thinking...you are hiring, and I need a job, but then WHY won't you hire me? Keep trying! Something will turn up!

Ketchup & Greenie Beanies said...

I have a great idea!!!! Move home and mooch off your parents while you look for a job! :) Being all independent is WAY overrated anyway. Stay young as long as you can... that's my advice. You can come live with us for the summer if you want... I'll find you a job! (do you like to nanny? LOL)

Cameron and Jenny said...

Hi, Alee! Oh man - I remember having that same feeling when I finished college...finding a job is tough.
I will be there in Utah all next week picking up the baby - so you have to come down to grandma's and see us!
I'll call you when we get there.
Hang in there! The job thing will work out.